Mass Readings Audio
https://bible.usccb.org/podcasts/audio/2020-09-06-usccb-daily-mass-readings
Twenty-third Sunday in Ordinary Time – September 6, 2020
Welcome to the one hundred and twenty-eighth episode of By Your Life. I’m Lisa Huetteman and I know that you have a hundred different things you could be doing right now, so I thank you for choosing By Your Life.
My goal is to inspire, empower, support, challenge, and encourage you to connect Sunday, with Monday-Friday, in a secular business world. It’s my desire to help you live our Catholic faith in the marketplace. I hope to offer you practical ways to go forth and glorify the Lord by your life.
Everyone is a Critic
In this edition, we’ll reflect on the readings for the Twenty-third Sunday in Ordinary Time. (Cycle A) Each of us is a critic. Hundreds of times a day we mentally critique others, how they look, what they wear, how they drive, how they wear their mask, or not, how they complete a task, what they eat, say or do. Most of the time these thoughts are merely a matter of preference, (“I don’t know how you can listen to that music.”), or opinion, (“I don’t think that is a good color on you.”), or judgment, (“I think turning left here is faster than going straight.”), or values, (“I wouldn’t have done it that way because you left the most important thing unfinished.”) In most of these cases, our criticism is best left unsaid. However, we sometimes face situations where we must judge the moral implications of another person’s actions. What is the right thing to do in these situations? Our readings this Sunday give us guidance.
Go and Tell Him His Fault
A few years ago, I was included in a group email that was sent by a disgruntled parent who had a beef with how our children’s coach handled a disciplinary situation with their daughter. The parent discovered that the coach had a DUI arrest, found a copy of the mugshot online, and forwarded it to all the team parents and to some of the players as well, along with a call to demand the coach be fired. The email was followed by a flurry of “reply to all” messages with other parents piling on with hateful rhetoric.
I wasn’t a party to the disciplinary incident, and I don’t know if the coach was right or wrong, but that’s not the point. I was, however, brought into this virtual mob and I felt compelled to respond because of how this group was behaving and by including the players, what they were teaching their children. This Sunday’s Gospel message was my response to this group of parents. Jesus said, “If your brother sins [against you], go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have won over your brother.” (Mt 18:15)
Our Gospel reading this Sunday is one I’ve relied on many times when dealing with difficult people. I’ve been reminded of it when dealing with coworkers, neighbors, and disgruntled parents. But it isn’t just the Gospel that we should refer to in these situations, our first and second readings offer valuable advice as well. So, what do our readings tell us about being a good critic?
Critical Steps
The first step to being a good critic is actually three steps and we heard them in Matthew’s Gospel. Jesus was speaking to the disciples about how they are to deal with one who sins yet remains within the community. He said, “go and tell him his fault between you and him alone.” (Mt. 18:15) If that doesn’t work, “take one or two others along with you.” (Mt. 18:16) And, “If he refuses to listen to them, tell the church.” (Mt. 18:17)
If we are to apply this to our work setting, we might say, “Talk to the person about the problem, one to one. If they don’t listen, ask one or two co-workers to help you. If that doesn’t work, talk to your boss, or take it to HR.”
What happens most often, we go straight to our boss to complain about so and so who isn’t pulling their weight, isn’t following the rules, or is behaving badly in some other way. This is neither professional nor effective because we’ve just dumped the problem in our boss’ lap. As a result, s/he’s not happy with us for not dealing with it ourselves, and s/he may not do anything about it anyway, because s/he doesn’t know how to handle it either.
Telling someone they’ve done something wrong is difficult because emotions are involved, theirs and ours. And telling someone is not the same thing as achieving the desired result, which usually means the person improves their behavior. Ineffective correction not only results in no improvement in behavior, it often adds to negative feelings and resentment.
When I’m coaching clients on dealing with difficult people, my first question is “Have you talked to them about it.” Often the answer is “no”, but when they have tried unsuccessfully to talk to the other person, the response is “They got defensive.”
Defense mechanisms are wired into us when we feel threatened and trigger a fight, flight, or freeze, response. Regardless, when we feel threatened, we are not listening or processing the feedback because our brain has been hijacked by our emotions. So, if the other person is getting defensive, it usually means they feel threatened, so you need to change your words, your tone, or your behavior to remove the threat if you want to effect change.
Their Bad Behavior is Not an Excuse for Yours
Which brings me to the second step to being a good critic. Remember that their bad behavior is not an excuse for yours and behaving badly yourself is usually not very effective when you’re trying to encourage “the wicked” to change their evil ways. So, what should you do instead?
Their bad behavior is not an excuse for yours.In our second reading, St. Paul wrote to the Romans, “Love does no evil to the neighbor.” (Rom 13:10), and that is the second step to being a good critic: before you speak, check your attitude. Are you acting out of love? Is your goal to help the other person? Are you trying to win them over or are you just telling them off? Are your motives pure, or are you like the parent who was acting out of bitterness?
It is hard not to be bitter in these situations, after all, we’re talking about a person who has sinned against you (or your community). But acting from a place of bitterness is not helpful to them or to you. Pause, pray, and ponder how you would want to be treated if the situation was reversed. Then, when you are ready to act out of love, you’re ready to approach your neighbor.
Silence is Not Golden
Finally, being silent is not an option. The words of God to the prophet Ezekiel in our first reading tell us that if “you do not speak up to warn the wicked about their ways, they shall die in their sins, but I [God] will hold you responsible for their blood.” (Ez 33:8) I always say if it is important, God tells me twice. Well, this must be important because God told Ezekiel twice. You will find almost the exact same exhortation in Ezekiel 3:18. So, we must pay attention, because as difficult as it is to point out to a person their wicked ways, we are obligated to do so.
As a society, as a community, as an organization, as a workgroup, as a family – people in relationship with each other depend on each other to not just avoid wrong – to tolerate, to coexist – but we need each other to contribute in a positive way to our families, workgroups, organizations, communities and society as a whole.
We are like a fleet of boats that must be aligned with each other and all moving together in a positive direction. But if each boat doesn’t have its engine tuned, its equipment maintained, and fuel to move forward, it causes the entire fleet to suffer. You are responsible to keep your boat in proper running order and to make a positive contribution to the whole. If you are waiting for someone else to do it, you are part of the problem.
Think of a basketball team. If you had a team member who knew all the rules of the game and never committed a foul or incurred a penalty, would that player be a good player? Maybe. If that player didn’t have any of the skills to be a great player and never left the bench, if they didn’t develop the skills to score points or defend against the other team scoring, they would not be a great player. They would not contribute anything to the team.
Don’t Sit on the Sidelines
It is not enough just to know what is right and what is wrong. It is not enough just to avoid doing what is wrong. To be Christian people, we must put into practice Christian behaviors. You have to have a well-maintained and well-tuned engine. Failing to contribute in a positive way is a failure to live a Christian life – not because you do anything wrong but because you fail to do right, and our first reading this week reminds us that “doing what is right” includes the warning “the wicked about their ways.” (Ez 33:8)
Edmund Burke, the Irish statesman and philosopher, is often quoted as saying, “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.” Whether he actually said that or not, the sentiment is true and as our first reading tells us, we will be held responsible if we do nothing.
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing. ~ attributed to Edmund BurkeEdmund Burke also said, “Nobody made a greater mistake than he who did nothing because he could do only a little.” You may not be able to convert a person in just one conversation, but if done right, you can plant a seed. If you approached them out of love for their sake, one-to-one first, and if that didn’t work, brought in one or two others, and then support from your community, you have done your part. God does not hold us accountable for the other person’s repentance. He only expects us to do our part. He said to the prophet Ezekiel, “If, however, you warn the wicked to turn from their ways, but they do not, then they shall die in their sins, but you shall save your life.” (Ez 33:9) Even if you can only do a little, do what you can out of love.
Nobody made a greater mistake than he who did nothing because he could do only a little. ~ Edmund BurkePray for Conversion
One final thought, and it comes from the final verses from Sunday’s Gospel. Jesus said, “I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything for which they are to pray, it shall be granted to them by my heavenly Father. For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.” (Mt 18:19-10) Pray for those who sin against you. Pray that they may repent and make things right. Pray most importantly, that their souls will be saved. Nothing would make God happier than to save one who is lost. Nothing should make you happier than to cooperate with God’s saving grace.
So, if one or two of you would like to join me, let’s pray.
Dear Jesus, help us to spread your fragrance everywhere we go. Flood our souls with your spirit and life. Shine through us and be so in us that every soul we come in contact with may feel your presence in our souls. May it be you shining on others through us. Let us praise you by shining on those around us and may our lives be evidence of the fullness of love in our hearts for you. (taken from the Fragrance Prayer by St. John Henry Newman)
May God bless you abundantly this week and may you glorify the Lord by your life.
If you liked this episode, spread the word. You know what to do, forward, share, or click to post. Also, check out the Resources page where you can find a link to the books and other resources mentioned in other episodes of By Your Life. I’m always interested in what you think, so give me some feedback by leaving a comment.
