In order to eliminate uncertainty, manage outcomes, and reduce stress, we want to control things. The problem is the result is exactly the opposite. Have you ever seen a stress-free control freak? In this edition of By Your Life, we’ll talk about how the best way to reduce stress is to give up control.

Mass Readings Audio
http://ccc.usccb.org/cccradio/NABPodcasts/2020/20_01_12.mp3

Feast of the Baptism of the Lord – January 12, 2020

Welcome to the ninety-fourth episode of By Your Life. I’m Lisa Huetteman and I know that you have a hundred different things you could be doing right now, so I thank you for choosing By Your Life.

My goal is to inspire, empower, support, challenge, and encourage you to connect Sunday, with Monday-Friday, in a secular, business world. It’s my desire to help you live our Catholic faith in the marketplace. I hope to offer you practical ways to go forth and glorify the Lord by your life.

In this edition, we’ll reflect on the readings for the Feast of Baptism of the Lord. The Baptism of Jesus is a significant event in our relationship with our saving God because he, who had no need to be baptized, submitted to the plan of God for the salvation of the human race. Although he was without sin, he identified with sinners and accepted John’s baptism “to fulfill all righteousness.” (Mt 3:15) In accepting baptism, he submitted himself entirely to his Father’s will and his bloody death as God’s suffering servant. (CCC 536)

The implications for us is significant because “after Jesus was baptized, he came up from the water and behold, the heavens were opened for him, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and coming upon him.” (Mt 3:16) Through his baptism, Jesus opened the heavens that Adam’s sin had closed (CCC 536) so that we too, through our baptism may be sacramentally assimilated to Jesus, die and rise with him. (CCC 537) As a part of God’s plan of salvation, this had to happen.

Yet, if we back up a bit, you’ll note that “John tried to prevent him, saying, ‘I need to be baptized by you, and yet you are coming to me?’” (Mt 3:14) Although he acted out of humility and his intentions were good, John wanted to control things. He thought he knew how things needed to be done and tried to convince Jesus otherwise. How often is our prayer life, or our lives in general, a reflection of the control freak that lives in each one of us? We pray for God to remove obstacles, change things, and make things go according to our plans as if we know how things ought to be done.

Six years ago, I was diagnosed with cancer. It was the second semester of my daughter’s senior year in high school and I didn’t want her memories of that very special time of her life to be defined by her mother’s cancer and I was determined to make sure that wouldn’t happen. So, when my oncologist laid out my 6-month chemotherapy treatment plan, I requested that we schedule the chemo treatments on Fridays so I could recuperate over the weekend. Then, I delayed the start date so that the 21-day treatment regimen wouldn’t fall on Easter weekend, her graduation, and her college orientation dates. I had it all planned, and I was in control.

Or at least I thought I was until I showed up on that Friday for my first treatment and my low platelet count caused the doctor to change my plans. He ordered a prescription for me and told me to come back on Tuesday. As a result, the new day for all of my treatments was on Tuesdays. The date we had selected for my daughter’s orientation, was now out of the question, and all my well-laid plans went out the window. I looked at my doctor and told him, “I can’t come back on Tuesday. I have a client scheduled that morning.” He gave me a caring, yet stern look and asked, “Do I have to call your boss?”, knowing full well that I was my boss.

So, I went back on Tuesday but not before fretting all weekend about how this change was going to impact all my plans. I was concerned about how this would affect my daughter and all the senior end-of-year activities. I prayed and prayed. And then the words came to me: “Allow it now.” (Mt 3:15)

“Allow it now.” These three little words that Jesus spoke to John the Baptist in our Gospel on Sunday were spoken to me. I realized that in the same way my father’s death when I was 7 years old was a part of my journey and defining the person I would become, my having cancer was part of her journey and would help her become the person she was meant to be. So, I allowed it. I stopped worrying about it and I was filled with peace.

There is a little bit of a control freak in each of us. In order to eliminate uncertainty, manage outcomes, and reduce stress, we want to control things. The problem is the result is exactly the opposite. Have you ever seen a stress-free control freak? If you are one, work with one or work for one, you know that the more a person tries to control, the more stressed they are.

Simon Sinek said, “Bad leaders believe that they have to project control at all times.”, and he’s right. But let’s be clear. There is a huge difference between being responsible and being controlling. Responsible leaders are responsible for results. They clearly communicate the vision, hire, train, and equip their team to execute, and then get out of the way.

Controlling leaders, on the other hand, feel it is necessary to be involved in every decision. Instead of training others, they feel it is easier to do it themselves. When others take initiative to solve problems, controlling leaders override their decisions which is not only demotivating, it stifles individual and organizational growth.

Good leaders know that their #1 job is to develop their people, just as good parents know their #1 job is to develop their children to do things on their own. Imagine a parent teaching his child to ride a bike, and the first time the child falls, he takes the bike away and rides it himself. Yes, the bike will get down the street faster that way, but that’s not the point. A good parent knows their child will fall but encourages him to get back on and try it again. A good parent knows their child will make mistakes in life and encourages him to learn from them and keep going. A good leader does the same.

I was working with a CEO who was frustrated that he didn’t have time to get everything done. When I asked why he was doing certain things he said it was because he couldn’t trust his leadership team to do things right. Instead of teaching them what factors he considered when making a decision, he just made the decision for them. Instead of training them to do the job, he’d step in and take over. He was “riding their bikes for them” and he was wearing himself out.

God our Father is a good parent. He doesn’t ride our bike for us, and he doesn’t prevent us from scraping our knee. He knows that suffering is an important part of our growth and development, so he allows it. In allowing it, he doesn’t abandon us. He is a good parent who is there to pick us up and encourage us to keep going for he knows what’s waiting for us on the other end, even though we don’t. He knows that we’re going to forget the scrape once we’ve conquered our fear, just like the child who takes off down the street riding the bike on his own.

It may sound counter-intuitive, but giving up control brings peace, that is if you give control to someone you can trust. This Sunday, we sang the Psalm: “The Lord will bless his people with peace.” (Ps 29:11), and in our second reading, Peter spoke to those present and to us saying, “he proclaimed peace through Jesus Christ, who is Lord of all.” (Acts 10:36) Peace through Jesus Christ. You can trust the one who is Lord of all.

Throughout my year of cancer treatment, I learned to trust the one who is Lord of all. When I questioned how I was going to force myself go back in to be poisoned again, I knew the answer was that God would give me the strength, not a moment too soon, nor a moment too late. I’d accept that and I let the worry go. And he did give me strength. I learned through that process to take one day at a time. I would enjoy the good days without fretting the next. And when there were bad days, I’d tackle them one at a time. I learned that we can handle a yucky day, for just one day. I learned not to bring tomorrow’s yucky day into today by worrying about it. In a sense, I learned to live the Serenity Prayer and I still try to live it every day.

So, when you feel yourself getting overwhelmed, anxious or stressed, follow the wisdom of a couple of football greats. Saquon Barkley, the great philosopher and running back for the New York Giants, said “You can only control what you can control!” and Coach Tony Dungy declared, “I’ve said all along that God is in control.” You too should ask yourself what you can control and for all the rest, place it at the feet of Jesus.

So, I will end with the Serenity Prayer by theologian Reinhold Neibuhr. In doing so, I pray that you and I will find peace that defies understanding by submitting to the will of God. Trust in him and submit to his will, just as Jesus did by his baptism.

Let’s pray:

God, give us grace to accept with serenity
the things that cannot be changed,
Courage to change the things
which should be changed,
and the Wisdom to distinguish
the one from the other.

Living one day at a time,
Enjoying one moment at a time,
Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace,
Taking, as Jesus did,
This sinful world as it is,
Not as I would have it,
Trusting that You will make all things right,
If I surrender to Your will,
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life,
And supremely happy with You forever in the next. Amen.

May God bless you abundantly this week as you let go of control and glorify the Lord by your life.

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