Patience is not a quality that is typically honored in business. I’ve never once heard of an organization that claimed to value “patience.” On the contrary, we are always being pushed to get things done and get them done faster. In this episode of By Your Life, we consider patience and how to develop it.
Mass Readings Audio
http://ccc.usccb.org/cccradio/NABPodcasts/2019/19_12_15.mp3
The Third Sunday of Advent – December 15, 2019
Welcome to the ninetieth episode of By Your Life. I’m Lisa Huetteman and I know that you have a hundred different things you could be doing right now, so I thank you for choosing By Your Life.
My goal is to inspire, empower, support, challenge, and encourage you to connect Sunday, with Monday-Friday, in a secular, business world. It’s my desire to help you live our Catholic faith in the marketplace. I hope to offer you practical ways to go forth and glorify the Lord by your life.
In this edition, we’ll reflect on the readings for the Third Sunday of Advent. All three of our readings this week tell us that something is coming and it’s worth waiting for. In the first reading, the Prophet Isaiah describes how beautiful and miraculous the coming of the Lord will be. And the Gospel describes how it has been fulfilled in Jesus. “The blind regain their sight, the lame walk, lepers are cleansed, the deaf hear, the dead are raised, and the poor have the good news proclaimed to them.” (Mt 11:5)
Then, in the second reading from the Letter of St. James, he reminds us that the Lord will come again, and we must be patient. He writes, “Be patient, therefore, brothers, until the coming of the Lord. See how the farmer waits for the precious fruit of the earth, being patient with it until it receives the early and the late rains. You too must be patient.” (Jas 5:7-8)
Patience! This is not a quality that is typically honored in business. In all my work with companies and their core values, I’ve never once heard of an organization that claimed to value “patience.” On the contrary, we are always being pushed to get things done and get them done faster. But, if as the Irish Statesman Edmund Burke said, “Our patience will achieve more than our force.”, why is patience so misunderstood, if not undervalued and underdeveloped in the workplace?
Our patience will achieve more than our force. ~ Edmund Burke Irish StatesmanWhat is patience? It is the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset. It is not hasty or impetuous. It is steadfast despite opposition, difficulty, or adversity. Don’t you think that every workplace would be more successful, if not a better place to work, if everyone developed a little more patience? Don’t you think that you might be a little more successful, if not happier if you developed a little more patience?
Before you answer, let’s consider what impatience brings. Impatience is a quality that results in a short temper when irritated, opposed, or forced to endure a delay. Impatient people are pent-up, antsy, restless, short-tempered, unable to tolerate setbacks, mix-ups, or even people walking slowly in front of them. We’ve all been there and we’ve certainly all witnessed it. That’s because impatience is naturally part of our make-up.
In an article in Psychology Today, Jim Stone, Ph.D. points out that impatience is not a lack of patience as the term suggests. On the contrary, he writes that patience is a lack of impatience. So, what’s the difference and why does it matter? Well, if patience is the primary response that some are gifted with and others aren’t, then there is no hope for the impatient. However, if Jim Stone is correct and impatience is the primary response or the “mental and physical process that gets triggered under specific circumstances,” then it is possible to develop the mental process to respond differently to those triggers. It is possible to develop patience.
As human beings, who are beautifully and wonderfully made by our Creator, our brains are wired to take input and quickly and unconsciously respond. This naturally happens for our safety so we can react in dangerous situations, but it also happens when we smile in response to seeing a friend. Stimulus will flow through the amygdala or emotion center of our brains first and an emotional response is triggered before that data or input reaches the prefrontal cortex where our thinking brain can develop a rational, thoughtful response. When we are impatient, we are hijacked by our emotions which clouds our judgment. We jump to hasty conclusions, end up creating artificial timelines, which detracts from our credibility, and damages our relationships. Impatience is a reaction, while patience is a chosen and thoughtful response.
One area where I’ve witnessed the consequences of impatience is with new employees. When there is a vacancy, instead of waiting for the right candidate, people can get desperate and rush the hiring process. Then, they can get frustrated, or should I say impatient, when a new employee doesn’t demonstrate full competency fast enough. They assess “How fast is this person learning?”, instead of asking themselves “How effective is my training?”. As a result, they are quick to let someone go within the first 90-days, only to have to reinvest in recruiting, hiring, and training someone else. This makes no sense, but that is the problem with reactions, they are not rational. Instead, they are emotional responses.
Impatience is our natural reaction, and patience is not. Patience, on the other hand, is something we consciously do. Patience is a discipline, and like any other form of self-mastery, the more we practice it, the more patient we become.
In last week’s episode of By Your Life, we talked about the importance of practice. When we practice patience, we are acknowledging that nothing of value comes easily. In fact, anything of value takes time, whether it’s a matter of developing a skill, building a relationship, or launching a business initiative. The problem is, as the Polish poet Stanislaw Jerzy Lec wrote, “You must first have a lot of patience to learn to have patience.” So how can we get out of this “Catch 22” and practice patience when our natural tendency is to be impatient?
You must first have a lot of patience to learn to have patience. ~ Stanislaw Jerzy LecAs we reflect on our readings this week, there are three things we can do. First, set worthwhile goals. St. James wrote, “the farmer waits for the precious fruit of the earth.” (Jas 5:7) Meaningful goals are results-based, not activity-based. The precious fruit of the earth is the result. The activity was to plant, water, and fertilize the seed. There is nothing wrong with activity-based goals, but they are not the end, they are simply the means that are necessary to a greater, meaningful end.
When I work with clients on goal-achievement, they are usually very capable of defining a goal and setting a timeline. Most of them have heard of SMART goals, so setting Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistically-High, goals with a Timeframe is easy. But what they often fail to do is check for meaning. Why am I doing this? What are the rewards, benefits, or returns for achieving this goal? And, what are the consequences if I don’t? Is this goal important enough to me to do whatever it takes to achieve it? It is easy to set a SMART goal to lose 5 pounds by Christmas, but if you aren’t clear about why this goal is meaningful to you, you’ll not survive the Christmas parties and the obstacles that will undoubtedly get in your way.
Which brings me to the second step, set realistic expectations. Being real in your expectations means that you anticipate obstacles, delays, and challenges as a natural part of any project, relationship, or life in general. Expect things to go wrong so when they do, you are responding to them with thoughtful, rational solutions, instead of costly, irrational reactions. Isaiah wrote, “Be strong, do not fear!” (Is 35:4), and St. James wrote, “Make your hearts firm.” (Jas 5:8) We are much more likely to be strong when difficulties arise if we’ve prepared for them.
In my goal-achievement process, after we get clear about why we are setting a goal, we invest time identifying what might get in the way. This is not because I want to discourage you before you even get started. Rather, it is because there are always obstacles. It is always much more effective to anticipate what might happen and plan possible solutions than it is to react to problems when they undoubtedly occur. This is what patient people do. They anticipate problems so when they strike, they don’t react like the impatient do. Instead, they respond thoughtfully.
Finally, look for and acknowledge progress. Instead of only measuring success by achieving the end result, celebrate the success you’ve made thus far. It gives you fuel for your journey. Many years ago, when I ran my first 15K race, the route took us 4 ½ miles out, followed by a U-turn and another 4 ½ miles back. We started in downtown Tampa and ran down Bayshore Blvd. When we hit the turnaround mark, I looked up and saw how far away all the downtown buildings were and thought “Ugh, look how far we have to go!” Just then, a lady next to me said, “Look how far we’ve come!” Her success attitude helped me change my perspective and motivated me to finish the race.
The same thing happened years ago when I was working with my coach. I knew that I needed to develop more patience, so I set a goal to do so. But when I was reviewing with him how many times I had failed to demonstrate patience in the previous week, he counseled me, “Lisa, are you more patient now than when you started working on this months ago?” I had to admit I was. But I was so focused on my losses that I failed to recognize my wins. Recognizing your “wins” is important. It is the wind in your sail that keeps you moving forward. When you’re tempted to judge your progress by how far you have to go, step back and celebrate how far you’ve come, and then, keep making progress.
In our Gospel this week, Jesus had just begun his ministry and John the Baptist was in prison. When asked “Are you the one who is to come, or should we look for another?” (Mt 11:3), Jesus told the disciples of John the Baptist, “Go and tell John what you hear and see: the blind regain their sight, the lame walk, lepers are cleansed, the deaf hear, the dead are raised, and the poor have the good news proclaimed to them.” (Mt 11:4-5) Jesus told John about what he’d accomplished thus far. These signs were not the end result, but steps along the way that offered hope, and strength, and encouragement.
One final thought. Our end result, our ultimate hope, is to “enter Zion singing, crowned with everlasting joy;” where we “will meet with joy and gladness, sorrow and mourning will flee.” (Is 35:10) On our way, we will encounter obstacles, but in the scheme of eternity, they are never that big of a deal. Keeping this perspective can help you deal with them more patiently.
The Catechism of the Catholic Church says that “forgiving and bearing wrongs patiently” is a work of mercy. (CCC 2447) Practice patience this week by forgiving mistakes and teaching corrective action. Practice patience this week by listening to your co-workers’ points of view. And finally, St. Paul wrote to the Galatians that patience is a “fruit of the Spirit.” (Gal 5:22), so let’s ask the Holy Spirit to help us.
Come Holy Spirit, teach me to be patient in all the events of my life, in disappointments, in the thoughtlessness of others, in the insincerity of those I trusted, and in the unfaithfulness of those on whom I relied. Teach me to profit by the suffering that comes across my path. Help me use it that it may make me patient, not irritable, so that I may glorify the Lord by my life.
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