We all have encountered situations at work where another person is behaving badly, and we get so frustrated that we just don’t want to deal with them anymore. While the easy way out may be to avoid or ignore them, it may not be the merciful thing to do. In this week’s episode of By Your Life, we’ll talk about how we are called to be merciful, even in the marketplace.
Mass Readings Audio
http://ccc.usccb.org/cccradio/NABPodcasts/2019/19_09_15.mp3
Twenty-fourth Sunday in Ordinary Time – September 15, 2019
Welcome to the seventy-seventh episode of By Your Life. I’m Lisa Huetteman and I know that you have a hundred different things you could be doing right now, so I thank you for choosing By Your Life. If you haven’t already, please sign up for notifications on your favorite podcast app or on the right side of this page so I can let you know when each new episode is posted. If you know of someone who can benefit from By Your Life, I’d appreciate it if you’d forward to a family member, co-worker or a friend. You can also click the icons on the top of the blog page to share on Facebook, LinkedIn, and Twitter.
My goal is to inspire, empower, support, challenge, and encourage you to connect Sunday, with Monday-Friday, in a secular, business world. It’s my desire to help you live our Catholic faith in the marketplace. I hope to offer you practical ways to go forth and glorify the Lord by your life.
In this edition, we’ll reflect on the readings for the Twenty-fourth Sunday in Ordinary Time. It wasn’t that long ago that we heard this Gospel with the parable of the Prodigal Son. We reflected on it in Episode 53 of By Your Life. But unlike the Fourth Sunday of Lent, this week’s Gospel begins with the Parable of the Lost Sheep and the Lost Coin and then follows with the Parable of the Lost Son. I think this is important and that there is an important and very challenging lesson for us to take to work this week.
There seems to be a similar theme running through the issues that have been coming up with the individuals and teams I’ve been working with recently. Whether they are talking about a co-worker, an employee, a volunteer, or a neighbor, the problem sounds something like “Another person is behaving badly. I’m frustrated, and I just don’t want to deal with them anymore.” I totally understand that frustration. I’ve also been having the same problem recently. Perhaps you have too.
So, what do we do and how can this week’s readings give us guidance? The answer is be merciful!
Think about the last time you royally screwed up. Or, think about the biggest and worst screw up of your life. Or, think about the last time you were stressed and behaved like a first-class jerk. Or maybe, it wasn’t just a one-time event, but an entire season of your life when you were on the wrong track and couldn’t get off. Each of these times, you dug yourself into a hole and needed someone else to forgive you and help you get out of it, am I right? Aren’t you grateful that when you asked for it, someone else was willing to offer you mercy?
We all work with people who have caused a major screw up by what they’ve done or what they’ve failed to do. We all work with people who can behave like first-class jerks. And just like you, even though what they did was wrong, who they are is deserving of mercy.
But it is a lot easier to receive than it is to give. We don’t always feel like extending mercy. Some folks can just annoy us so much that we are far from merciful. They are so wrong, (and we are so right) that there is not hope for reconciliation. Heck, we don’t even want to bother to try. It is much easier for us to just write them off. Shake the dust from our feet, so to speak. This is especially true when they don’t express regret.
Well, maybe they don’t know how to express regret. Maybe they are afraid to admit a mistake. Maybe, even though they are so wrong, they think they are right. Maybe, no one ever taught them differently.
Think about St. Paul. Before he became Paul, he was Saul, a persecutor of the early Christians. He firmly believed that what he was doing was right. He was an ardent defender of what he had been taught and righteously (or so he thought) set out to eliminate those who believed differently. Yet, in the second reading, he acknowledged “I was once a blasphemer and a persecutor and arrogant, but I have been mercifully treated because I acted out of ignorance in my unbelief.” (1 Tim 1:13) The mercy he is writing about is “the grace of our Lord [that] has been abundant, along with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus.” (1 Tm 1:14) It was not only the Lord who was merciful but Peter, the apostles and the early Church, whom he had been persecuting, showed him mercy and accepted him as one of them and as they say, “the rest is history.”
I was listening to Episode 32 of Catholic Sports Radio podcast, where a friend of mine, Sue Medley, was the guest. Sue had an impressive career coaching volleyball at the collegiate level. While reflecting on the Great Commandment, she talked about how as a coach, she loved her athletes. She said:
“I would love while making demands. Anyone I’ve coached will tell you I am very demanding. It is easier to be popular. It is easier to leave a person at a plateau in their development. There is less conflict and less strife for you. But if you believe in a person, you will help them get to the next level. You are saying, ‘I love you enough to tell you that isn’t good enough. You are capable of more.’”
It is easier to leave a person at a plateau in their development. There is less conflict and less strife for you. But if you believe in a person, you will help them get to the next level. You are saying, you are capable of more. ~ Sue MedleyAnd here is the most challenging thing about this week’s Scripture reading. We are not just called to have mercy on those who messed up and come to us asking for forgiveness, although we are called to do that. As Christians, we are called to do much more and something much more difficult. We are called to seek out the person who has gone astray and bring them back.
We heard it loud and clear in the three parables. The shepherd left the 99 and sought out the one. The woman searched carefully for the one coin, even though she had 9 others, and the father of the prodigal son, “While [his son] was still a long way off, his father caught sight of him, and was filled with compassion. He ran to his son, embraced him and kissed him.” (Lk 15:20), all before his unworthy son repented and even though he had another loyal son at home.
So, back to my clients’ and perhaps your frustration: “Another person is behaving badly. I’m frustrated, and I just don’t want to deal with them anymore.” In other words, I have this one employee who like the lost sheep isn’t a team player and won’t stay with the rest of the flock. I’m just going to ignore him because I have 99 other team members to rely on to get the job done. Or, I have this co-worker who doesn’t have a clue about what to do and should never have been hired. I have 9 other people who I can trust to do the job, so I’m not going to bother to teach him. Or, I have an employee who quit to go work for the competition because they thought the grass was greener over there but discovered that it’s not and wants to come back. But I have another loyal employee, so I’m not going to give him another chance and take him back.
It is quite easy to justify our lack of mercy. It is easier to work around them than to help them. As Sue Medley said, “It is easier to leave a person at a plateau in their development.”, than it is to coach them to the next level. We are failing in our role as a boss or a co-worker, and certainly as a Christian or a friend, if we don’t “deal” with them.
In our first reading from the Book of Exodus, God was certainly justified in letting his wrath blaze up against the stiff-necked people of Israel (Ex 32:9-10), yet, he relented when Moses reminded him of his covenant. So even though they behaved badly and didn’t deserve it, God was merciful and kept his oath. Although we don’t usually think about it this way, when we hire someone, we should be making an oath to them to help them be successful. After all, that is what we want, isn’t it? We don’t usually hire someone hoping that they will fail. Unfortunately, right after they are hired, we forget our part of the bargain. We forget our responsibility in their success.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not absolving the other person of their responsibility. I’m not dismissing the other person’s bad behavior. Each of us is responsible for our own actions, or failure to act. But are we responsible for the other people’s behavior? Yes and no.
No, we aren’t to blame for the other person’s choices. They are. They will suffer the consequences—eventually. But responsibility and blame are two different things. I can accept or take responsibility for something when I’m not to blame. This week’s Gospel is telling us that the one who is lost is worthy of being found and that is our responsibility.
So, what are we supposed to do? When you have someone who has a toxic personality, when you have someone who repeatedly doesn’t do what is asked when you have someone who doesn’t care about the company, the customer, or anyone but themselves, what do you do? You help them find their way back.
I know this sounds crazy. I know you’ve got a lot on your plate and you’d rather just avoid them than help them. I know some people are really difficult to help based on the way they react. They are defensive. They deny they did anything wrong. They may be outright nasty. And the worst part is, they feel justified in acting that way. Or, they may know they are wrong, but their ego gets in the way of admitting they are wrong. As far as they are concerned, you’re the one who is wrong. In spite of all of this, we are called to help them. But, the only way you can do this is to believe they are worthy of being helped.
As Catholics, we are called to do works of mercy, both corporal (to give alms, visit the sick, etc.) and spiritual (teach the ignorant, give good advice, admonish sinners, etc.). These people who behave badly either don’t know that what they are doing is wrong, don’t know how to change or don’t want to. You and I are called to help them by practicing spiritual works of mercy.
If they don’t know, they are ignorant of the truth. Teach them. If they don’t know how, they need someone to show them. Give them needed advice. If they don’t care, admonished them. Help them to see why they should care. Everyone cares about something, even if they only care about themselves. Help them to see how their behavior is hurting them.
For mercy to be effective, we must care about the other person, believe they are capable of being better, or, as Sue Medley said, telling them “I love you enough to tell you that isn’t good enough. You are capable of more.”
We never know what has happened in a person’s life that has brought them to where they are. We never know what hardships they endured. We don’t know what they were taught, or not, about right and wrong. That being said, we shouldn’t just excuse the wrong. That’s not mercy.
St. Thomas Aquinas defined the virtue of “mercy” as “the compassion in our hearts for another person’s misery, a compassion which drives us to do what we can to help him.” But, to be effective, mercy needs justice. Aquinas also said, “Mercy without justice is the mother of dissolution. Justice without mercy is cruelty.” If we truly want to help someone, they need the opportunity to right their wrong. That is justice. Our willingness to help them do that is mercy.
Mercy without justice is the mother of dissolution; justice without mercy is cruelty. ~ Thomas AquinasLet’s pray for the ability to rightly exercise mercy:
All day long, every minute of every day, Jesus, you constantly show us mercy. You don’t give us what we deserve, but instead, you give us grace upon grace upon grace. In view of so much mercy lavished on us, we have no excuses. We can’t justify our irritable spirits or judgmental attitudes. While we fear being exploited, our greater fear is being cold-hearted. We want to speak and act as someone you’ve set free. Grant us grace and wisdom, to live and love in this radical way, so that we may glorify you by our lives.
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