The inspirational author William Arthur Ward said, “The price of excellence is discipline. The cost of mediocrity is disappointment.”, and if you’re honest, you’ll admit he is right. In this edition of By Your Life, we discuss the importance and the difficulty of the practice of discipline – both in disciplining others and ourselves.
Mass Readings Audio
http://ccc.usccb.org/cccradio/NABPodcasts/2019/19_08_25.mp3
Twenty-first Sunday in Ordinary Time – August 25, 2019
Welcome to the seventy-fourth episode of By Your Life. I’m Lisa Huetteman and I know that you have a hundred different things you could be doing right now, so I thank you for choosing By Your Life. If you haven’t already, please sign up for notifications on your favorite podcast app or on the right side of this page so I can let you know when each new episode is posted. If you know of someone who can benefit from By Your Life, I’d appreciate it if you’d forward to a family member, co-worker or a friend.
My goal is to inspire, empower, support, challenge, and encourage you to connect Sunday, with Monday-Friday, in a secular, business world. It’s my desire to help you live our Catholic faith in the marketplace. I hope to offer you practical ways to go forth and glorify the Lord by your life.
In this edition, we’ll reflect on the readings for Twenty-first Sunday in Ordinary Time. In our Gospel reading this week, we hear someone ask Jesus, “Lord, will only a few people be saved?” (Lk 13:23) and Jesus responds with a parable about when “the master of the house has arisen and locked the door, then will you stand outside knocking and saying, ‘Lord, open the door for us.’ He will say to you in reply, ‘I do not know where you are from.’” (Lk 13:25) It seems that Jesus was letting his Jewish contemporaries know that they are not entitled to salvation simply because of their birthright. He stresses that great effort is required for entrance into the kingdom and that their places at the table in the kingdom will be taken by Gentiles from the four corners of the world. Those called last, the Gentiles, will precede those to whom the invitation to enter was first extended, (the Jews).
The word “entitlement” can stir up a lot of emotion in the political arena these days. I don’t even want to get close to touching that debate. But I do want to talk about what I think Jesus is telling us about it. Merriam-Webster defines “entitled” as “having a right to certain benefits or privileges.” Another definition with a more negative connotation is “believing oneself to be inherently deserving of privileges or special treatment.”
In the workplace, there have been a lot of studies, talk, and stuff written about the differences between the Baby Boomers, the Gen Xers and the Millennials. Mostly, the conclusions are stereotypes about categories of workers based on when they were born. One of the prevailing stereotypes about Millennials is that their generation has a sense of entitlement. For example, it is often said that Millennials believe they should be paid a salary that is far higher than what they’re worth. But Millennials aren’t the only generation that can be accused of expecting entitlements. How often do you hear that Boomers feel they are entitled to certain privileges simply because of seniority? There’s likely a little “entitlement-thinking” in all of us.
Jesus warns us against such thinking. In the Gospel, Jesus was telling them, and us, that we are not entitled to a place in the kingdom but that we should “Strive to enter through the narrow door, for many, I tell you, will attempt to enter but will not be strong enough.” (Lk 13:24) So, how can we build strength? The answer is with discipline.
When you want to build physical strength, you must be disciplined in your habits of diet and exercise. You can’t just go to the gym once, or even once a month, and expect to gain the benefits of exercise. Our spiritual life requires a similar discipline. “Chreasters” (or those who only attend church on Christmas and Easter) are missing out on the spiritual benefits of regular Mass attendance. But is Sunday Mass, our minimum obligation, enough? I’d suggest that only doing the minimum of anything is a sign of a lack of discipline.
Discipline is one of those things, like being “entitled”, that can be viewed positively and negatively, depending on our experiences in life. But as John Wooden, former head coach of UCLA’s basketball team and one of the most revered coaches in sports history, said, “Discipline of others isn’t punishment. You discipline to help, to improve, to correct, to prevent, not to punish, humiliate, or retaliate.”
Discipline of others isn’t punishment. You discipline to help, to improve, to correct, to prevent, not to punish, humiliate, or retaliate. ~ John WoodenEven though we know this, we often avoid disciplining others, and even more so, we avoid self-discipline because we often can’t see past the short-term pain in order to achieve long-term gain. This is exactly what was pointed out in our second reading from the Letter to the Hebrews “At the time, all discipline seems a cause not for joy but for pain, yet later it brings the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who are trained by it.” (Heb 12:11)
Last week, I facilitated a two-day session with a team of leaders that I’ve been working with for a couple of years. As with most teams, they have exhibited great growth in teamwork in some areas and not so much in others. One of their challenges has been holding each other accountable. A year ago, we talked about this issue and I asked each of them whether they would want to know if they were doing something wrong so they could fix it. The answer was a unanimous “Yes!” So, if they indeed wanted to be told, I asked them how they liked to get this kind of feedback and they each said, something like, “Just pick up the phone and give me specific examples, not just generalizations, so that I can understand what the problem is and address it.”
Over the past year, this team has made progress in many ways, but there has been a lot of holding back when it comes to providing each other feedback. When I asked them why this was a challenge for them, the reasons they would give ranged from “It’s not my place to correct them. That’s our boss’ job.” to “It just feels uncomfortable.” I think the latter is the real issue and the former is an excuse they use to justify it.
So, we did an exercise where they were grouped by threes. One person was the feedback giver, the second was the feedback receiver, and the third person was the observer. The giver’s job was to provide genuine feedback about something that would help the other person, the receiver’s job was to respond to that feedback, and the observers were tasked with providing feedback to their teams about the interaction. We then came back as a group and debriefed, mixed up the teams, and repeated the process two more times.
I must admit, as a facilitator, I wasn’t sure how it was going to go. But I didn’t start the retreat with this feedback exercise. We did several silly exercises where they all had to demonstrate vulnerability with each other. We practiced the art of appreciating and affirming each other throughout the day. We did an exercise where they couldn’t accomplish the task without getting corrective feedback from their team members. So, by the time they tackled this exercise, their attitudes had changed just a bit. At the end, it warmed my heart to hear their feedback about what they experienced.
They each appreciated knowing how they could improve. They each realized that it was safe to be vulnerable with each other. They each realized that when someone was offering them feedback, it came with positive intent, so the receiver’s response was open, not defensive and this made the giver’s job easier. They also realized that they didn’t have to be perfect themselves in order to give feedback to someone else. They realized that waiting to talk about an issue only makes things worse. Addressing problems early and when they are small is better for everyone. In some cases, receivers suggested solutions and the issue was resolved right there. Finally, they realized that it is as important to give positive feedback and appreciate each other as it is to make another person aware of a problem. Disciplining someone is as much about rewarding and affirming positive effort as it is correcting things that are causing problems.
The challenge for this team now is to be disciplined about providing each other feedback going forward. Giving negative feedback has been as uncomfortable as offering positive feedback has been infrequent, so going forward the key will be to keep it up when they get back to the office. The real indicator of success will be if they are able to transform the motivation from the retreat into a disciplined practice of timely, helpful, corrective and affirmative, feedback. John Maxwell said, “Motivation gets you going, but discipline keeps you growing. That’s the Law of Consistency. It doesn’t matter how talented you are. It doesn’t matter how many opportunities you receive. If you want to grow, consistency is key.”
Motivation gets you going, but discipline keeps you growing. ~ John C. MaxwellThis is where self-discipline comes in. Some anonymous person said, “It is not the work that is hard, it is the discipline.” What is it that makes this thing called “discipline” so hard? Well, let’s go back to the Letter to the Hebrews. “At the time, all discipline seems a cause not for joy but for pain.” (Heb 12:11) This short-term/long-term conflict is the nemesis of self-discipline. Think about any bad habit. There is usually a short-term benefit, but a long-term consequence, which is why the habit is classified as a bad one. For example, smoking. Smoking offers immediate benefits, whether social or physical satisfaction, but there are proven, long-term health consequences to inhaling cigarette smoke. On the other hand, a good habit typically has a short-term consequence, but a long-term benefit. For example, exercise is physically uncomfortable and can cause you to have sore muscles in the short-term, but in the long-term, there are proven health benefits of regular exercise.
The key to overcoming this short-term/long-term conflict is self-discipline. Self-discipline is the ability to forgo the short-term benefit for the long-term reward, or as was better said by Abraham Lincoln, “Discipline is choosing between what you want now and what you want more.”
Discipline is choosing between what you want now and what you want more. ~ Abraham LincolnWhat do you want more? Short-term earthly benefits or long-term eternal rewards? If you’re like me, you’ll say “Long-term eternal rewards.” You want no part of the “wailing and grinding of teeth when you see Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob and all the prophets in the kingdom of God and you yourselves cast out.” (Lk 13:28) So we all need to beware of feeling entitled to our place at the table in the kingdom. In our first reading, the Lord said, “I know their works and their thoughts, and I come to gather nations of every language; they shall come and see my glory.” (Is 66:18) We all know that God wants us all there. We also know that God has given us the freedom to choose our works and our thoughts.
The narrow door requires strength to enter. Strength requires discipline—both in learning and in practice. The Catechism of the Catholic Church is honest about what it takes. It says, “Education in the virtues requires an apprenticeship in self-denial, sound judgment, and self-mastery—the preconditions of all true freedom. (CCC 2223) If we want to enter through the narrow door, we must be disciplined disciples. Stephen Covey said, “The undisciplined are slaves to moods, appetites, and passions.” Being a disciplined disciple is saying no to those short-term moods, appetites, and passions, that are keeping us from true freedom. What are you a slave to? Is it power, wealth, honor, pleasure or another short-term reward that in the scheme of eternity has no value?
The undisciplined are slaves to moods, appetites, and passions. ~ Stephen CoveyLet’s ask the Holy Spirit to speak to us and give us the feedback we need. Let’s ask him to open our hearts to be good receivers so we can take corrective action. And, let’s ask him to strengthen our resolve to be disciplined in acting on the truth so we may glorify the Lord by our lives. Amen
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