A lot of organizations recognize that employee appreciation is important, but they go about it all wrong and as a result, feeling unappreciated is a major cause of employee dissatisfaction. In this edition of By Your Life, we’ll talk about how there is a universal opportunity for us to appreciate each other more.
Mass Readings Audio
http://ccc.usccb.org/cccradio/NABPodcasts/2019/19_07_21.mp3
Sixteenth Sunday in Ordinary Time – July 21, 2019
Welcome to the sixty-ninth episode of By Your Life. I’m Lisa Huetteman and I know that you have a hundred different things you could be doing right now, so I thank you for choosing By Your Life. If you haven’t already, please sign up for notifications on your favorite podcast app or on the right side of this page so I can let you know when each new episode is posted. If you know of someone who can benefit from By Your Life, I’d appreciate it if you’d forward to a co-worker or a friend.
My goal is to inspire, empower, support, challenge, and encourage you to connect Sunday, with Monday-Friday, in a secular, business world. It’s my desire to help you live our Catholic faith in the marketplace. I hope to offer you practical ways to go forth and glorify the Lord by your life.
In this edition, we’ll reflect on the readings for the Sixteenth Sunday of Ordinary Time. This Sunday’s Gospel reading was the famous story about Martha and Mary. I’ve heard several interpretations of what God is revealing to us through this scripture. The first is probably the most common and compares the active life to the contemplative life. The second, which is similar, compare the “many things” which Martha is worried about to the “one thing” that Mary chose. Another interpretation focused on how totally counter-cultural it would have been for a woman to sit at the feet of a rabbi in the time of our Lord. Jesus, in welcoming Mary, even praising her, is telling us that discipleship is for everyone. Although I love each of these, and there is much to consider when reflecting on them, I don’t want to talk about them because what struck me boldly in Sunday’s Gospel was when Martha said, “Lord, do you not care…?” (Lk 10:40)
We’ve all felt like Martha. Here she is, working her tail off, trying to be a good hostess to her guests, and nobody seems to care. Yes, she is ”anxious and worried about many things.” (Lk 10:41) and so are we, because if we didn’t take care of them, who would. And we don’t mind so much that we have to take care of many things. We accept the responsibility for what needs to be done. Some of us won’t even let anyone else help us because no one else can do the job as well as we can. It is easier for us to do it ourselves. So, it isn’t the work, the “many things” that are the problem, it is that we feel like nobody cares. We feel unappreciated for all that we do.
When I’m working with a leadership team, or a department, or entire organizations on recreating their culture, I often take them through an exercise where I ask everyone to list three things they would like to see more of in the new and improved culture and three things they would like to see less of. Without exception, the people I’ve worked with want to see more appreciation.
It is also not uncommon for me to be working with a coaching client who has been corrected or criticized for failure, and in their wounded state complain to me about all the things they do right that never gets noticed. But, now when they make a mistake, they are called out for this one small infraction. As a result, they are having a hard time accepting responsibility for what they did wrong because they don’t feel appreciated for doing a good job most of the time.
The thing is, when I ask my clients, or anyone for that matter, who exactly is it that you want to show you more appreciation, the answer is often a vague “them.” It is “they” the leadership team, or “they” the company, or “they” the other department. People always want someone else to appreciate them more. But who is “they”?
When my kids were young, my husband and I attended a workshop on how to effectively discipline your children. The methodology the presenter proposed made so much sense. You create a list of household rules that everyone knows and understands because it is unfair to punish someone for breaking a rule they don’t know about. You also create a list of consequences for failure to follow the rules. This also makes sense because you are teaching your children that their choices have consequences. Then, you create a matrix with each child’s name and each day of the week. Each time there is an infraction, you put an X next to the child’s name and if they have three strikes in a day, they lose a privilege or incur whatever the consequence is. If at the end of the week they have 7 days with less than three strikes against them, they earn a reward.
I went home from the workshop and created the list of household rules, laminated the matrix and put it on our refrigerator and waited for them to do something wrong. When they did, a big X went up next to their name; the second time, another X; the third time, another X. Now they lost TV or dessert. Then there was a fourth violation of the rules. Now what? This system started falling apart. Then, when it was late and just before bedtime, there was no more TV or dessert to take away, now what? The end of the week would come, and my child had broken the rules too many times to be able to go to a classmate’s birthday party because that was the privilege they lost for the week. Was I really going to enforce this? Could they earn it back, they would plead to me in tears?
It didn’t take me long to realize that this was a stupid system. I’d spend the entire week paying attention to everything my kids did wrong, and never once notice what they did right. Why? Because I had expected them to behave as I taught them, there was nothing special about them doing what they were supposed to do. But when they misbehaved, then they had my attention, and it didn’t usually end well.
I am shaking my head at myself as I’m writing this now. How could I have gotten this so wrong? It all made perfect sense when we were in the workshop. In real life, it fell apart.
Unfortunately, this stupid system of discipline is pretty much what exists at most companies. When an employee does something wrong, you “write them up.” When it happens three times, they lose the privilege of working for you. When they do their job as expected, “crickets.” No wonder people don’t feel appreciated.
There are people who believe that you get paid to do your job and do it well, and they are right. You do get paid to do your job. But getting paid and being appreciated are two different things. I’ve worked with people who honestly feel that they are disingenuous if they praise someone for doing what is expected. What these people fail to take into consideration is that meeting their expectations often require that their employees overcome obstacles that were never imagined.
On the other hand, there are a lot of organizations recognize that employee appreciation is important, so they get a committee together to come up with a program and the “Employee of the Month” is born. Talk about another stupid system. One employee feels good about themselves and appreciated for about one day, while the rest of the organization is wondering why they were overlooked. My kids figured this system out in the first grade. They quickly understood that when you get the “Student of the Month” award and you can be sure you won’t be eligible again for another 25 months until each student in the class has received it at least once. Then, when they—the student or the employee—do get the award, it has lost its significance and therefore lost the impact that was intended when the committee got together to create it.
So, when I’m working with these teams of people who are feeling unappreciated and want their organizations to be a little more appreciating, I will ask, “When was the last time you appreciated someone else?” They are usually surprised and have never considered this. For some reason, we have an expectation that someone else is supposed to be doing the appreciating. It never occurs to us that our places of work can become a little more appreciating if we show a little more appreciation.
If you want to work for an organization that appreciates people, be a person who appreciates people. #leadership #employeeappreciationTo combat this problem and to create a culture of appreciation, there is a little something that I encourage my clients to do, and I call it “Pennies in Appreciation.” It is simple, really, but it is very effective if it is done with authentic gratitude. Each person starts the day with a pocket full of pennies. When they feel the pennies in their pocket, it is a reminder to seek out good qualities or just things another person does right. When you see it, give them a penny and acknowledge what they have done. It doesn’t have to be over and above expectations. Just meeting expectations means we’ve overcome a ton of obstacles, so why not appreciate that? The goal is to give away all your pennies every day. If someone gives you a penny, you are to give that penny away too. (You may even appreciate the person for appreciating you!)
The key is the genuine and authentic gratitude that accompanies the penny. Monetary awards are nice, but they lose their meaning as soon as the money is gone. When someone says, “Thanks for staying late to finish. I appreciate the sacrifice.”, or “I appreciate the way you helped your co-worker when they were in a bind.”, or “I really appreciate the way you handled that difficult conversation.”, or “Thanks for teaching me how to do that. I really needed the help.”, the feeling of being appreciated goes a lot further than the penny that was given.
Monetary rewards are fleeting. What lasts is the feeling of being appreciated. #leadership #employeeappreciationEventually, the pennies may go away, but hopefully the habit of appreciating each other continue, because appreciation isn’t a program—however, you may design it. Appreciation isn’t something that has to be earned. Appreciation doesn’t cost a thing, but it does have significant rewards. But, appreciation is a universal opportunity. Just like Jesus inviting Mary to sit at his feet as a disciple and it will not be taken from her, so too are you invited to appreciate someone today. Discipleship is not a responsibility that is reserved for priests and religious, neither is appreciation a responsibility that is reserved for your “boss” or someone higher up in the organization.
Appreciation isn’t a program, isn’t expensive, doesn’t have to be earned, nor is it reserved for the boss to do. Showing appreciation is a universal opportunity. #leadership #employeeappreciationSo, did Jesus not appreciate Martha and all her hard work when he said, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and worried about many things. There is need of only one thing. Mary has chosen the better part and it will not be taken from her.”? (Lk 10:41-42) It sounded like it to me. But because we’re talking about the Savior of the World, I knew that maybe my take on the situation might not be right. So, I had to be open to and look for another answer. At work, we’re often not open to other possibilities. We often think that our answer is the right answer. We don’t appreciate that someone else could have a valid perspective.
I am working with a couple of leaders, I’ll call them Joe and Bob, who personally don’t get along, but they need each other as their work impacts each other significantly. They must work together and cooperate for the sake of the business. For several months, Joe failed to create a new process to address a problem that affects both his and Bob’s departments. There are various valid reasons for this, nonetheless, it has been negatively impacting Bob’s department. So, Bob took it upon himself to come up with a solution where he takes over responsibility for the new process and Joe will have to support implementing it. Bob took his solution to their mutual boss, the boss and Bob sat down with Joe, laid out Bob’s solution, and told him that he needed to support implementing the new process.
Joe was upset that he hadn’t been allowed to provide input to how the new process was going to work and he had issues with it. Bob was adamant that his solution would work, was the right thing for the business and wasn’t willing to listen to any other alternatives. In this case, they both needed to consider other possibilities; they both needed to appreciate the other’s perspective; and they both needed to cooperate to create the best solution. But that’s not what happened, at least initially.
We do this all the time. We’ve thought through a solution to a problem based on our priorities, and then someone else comes up with an alternative and we don’t want to hear it because we believe our solution is right. We don’t appreciate where the other person is coming from. That was Martha problem. Her solution was for Mary to help her with all the serving, but Jesus had a different answer. Even though it might sound like he’s rebuking her, he’s actually gently teaching Martha and showing her another possibility.
Instead of telling Mary to help her, Jesus is giving Martha something better. He is helping her realign her priorities. He is helping her see things from a different perspective. Most importantly, He is offering himself to her. But she has to make the choice, like Mary, to put aside the concerns of this world that are fleeting and focus on what is really important.
There is a lesson in here for us too, because we too are anxious and worried about many things. We too turn to our Lord and ask him for help. Martha said, “…My sister has left me by myself to do the serving. Tell her to help me.” (Lk 10:40), and we too can be very specific and dictate how we want him to help. But, we know that the Lord doesn’t always answer us in the way we want, rather in the way we need. All those “many things” that make us anxious and worried are not that important in the scheme of eternity.
St. Paul wrote to the Philippians, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Phil 4:6-7) If we turn them over to the Lord, he will show us another way that replaces our anxiety with his peace.
May God bless you abundantly with his peace to guard your heart this week as you face the “many things” that you will be dealing with so that you may you glorify him, by your life.
Remember to subscribe on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, iHeart Radio, Google Podcasts, or wherever you listen, or on the right side of this page and help us spread the word by forwarding to a friend, sharing on Facebook, LinkedIn, and Twitter. Just click the icons at the top of the blog post. Also, check out the Resources page where you can find a link to the books and other resources mentioned in this and other episodes of By Your Life. I’m always interested in what you think about the show, so leave me a comment.
