The holiday season is usually a festive time and our workplaces are merrier and more joyful than normal. Yet, sometimes, there are those difficult people who apparently didn’t get the memo and dealing with them can steal our joy. In this edition of By Your Life, we discuss how to deal with difficult people at work and in life.
Mass Readings Audio http://ccc.usccb.org/cccradio/NABPodcasts/18_12_09.mp3
The Second Sunday of Advent – December 9, 2018
Welcome to the thirty-seventh episode of By Your Life. Thank you for joining me. If you haven’t already, please subscribe via iTunes, Stitcher, or on the right side of the page so I can send you notifications when each new episode is posted. And please forward to afriend you think would benefit from By Your Life.
My goal is to inspire, empower, support, challenge, and encourage you to connect Sunday, with Monday-Friday, in a secular, business world. It is my desire to help you live our Catholic faith in the marketplace, and to trust that it is good for business. I hope to offer you practical ways to go forth and glorify the Lord by your life.
In this edition, we will reflect on the readings for the Second Sunday of Advent. This week’s readings reflect the sentiment of the holiday season: JOY. The Psalmist sings “the Lord has done great things for us; we are filled with joy.” (Ps 126:3) St. Paul “prays with joy.” (Phil 1:4), and the Prophet Baruch speaks of God “leading Israel in joy. (Bar 5:9). It is such a better way to live, don’t you think? If you had your choice, wouldn’t you choose to be joyful instead of miserable? Well, you do have a choice. The Prophet Baruch wrote, “take off your robe of mourning and misery; put on forever the splendor of glory from God” (Bar 5:1). In the same way we choose what to wear each day, we have a choice, but we all don’t choose wisely.
In the same way we choose what to wear each day, we can choose our attitude. Choose wisely!St. Paul, in writing to the Philippians, said his prayer is that they are able “to discern what is of value.” (Phil 1:10) Chances are, that if we discern what is of value, we’re more likely to find joy.
I’m working with a group of leaders who are trying to change their organization’s culture through values-centered leadership. As is often the case, some of them are more on board with the process than others. Those who are, are experiencing positive results. Those who aren’t, are bringing down those around them. When I met with one of these leaders individually, he was frustrated that, in his words, “some people can just ignore our core values, treat people with disrespect, and get away with it.”
We’ve all been there. We do our best to do the right thing and then others can break the rules, and nothing is done about it. It’s not fair. He was right to be frustrated, but I don’t think he was right to assume that there were no consequences.
First of all, in the case of this client, the ones who are not on board are reaping what they sow. Their departments are not the best places to work, which unfortunately leads more bad behavior, which leads to more negativity, which leads to more bad behavior. It is a downward spiral that takes productivity with it.
But, when my client asked, “Why do some of us have to do the right thing when others don’t?” it sounded like he felt he was being penalized by having to do the right thing. So, I asked him, “Would you like to get away with treating people with disrespect too?”
The answer is obvious. Well, obvious to some people and not so obvious to others.We know, deep down in our souls, when we’ve done something wrong and it doesn’t make us feel good. My client knew how silly that was and no, he didn’t want to behave badly and get away with it. What was really frustrating was that he had to deal with this manager who regularly failed to treat him and others with respect. He had to deal with the fall out of the lack of productivity in the other department. He dealt with the same problems over and over again, because this other manager wouldn’t address them. And he was frustrated, because he felt powerless to change him.
Does this sound familiar? I know that I’ve worked with a few people over the course of my career who were the bane of my existence. These people aren’t just at work. They are at school, on committees, at church, and in the neighborhood. They frustrate us so much that our first instinct is to give them some of their own medicine. In other words, stoop to their level. But that’s not a good strategy. It may give some short-term satisfaction, but in the long run, it doesn’t really make things better, and often makes things worse.
Another strategy is to avoid them. This is the option my client usually chose. This isn’t a bad option if you truly can avoid them. I have a neighbor whom I avoided for two years. I would walk my dog and cross the street, so I didn’t walk in front of his house. Although I physically avoided him, every day, twice a day, when I went out of my way to cross the street, this guy invaded my space, he disrupted my peace, he stole my joy, and I allowed it. My client really couldn’t avoid the disrespectful manager either. He ended up having to deal with the fallout of his actions and that just added to my client’s frustration.
So, what do you do? First, in the same way you should delete your initial and emotional response to a highly charged email, hit the pause button before doing anything. Then, in the words of St. Paul, “discern what is of value” (Phil 1:10). Your integrity is of value. St. Paul continues, “so that you may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ. (Phil 1:10) Don’t allow the other person’s bad behavior to lead you to sin. It doesn’t really solve the problem.
Don’t allow someone else’s bad behavior cause you to lose your integrity.Sometimes, taking the high road can be lonely. It seems like everyone else is getting away with doing what is wrong and failing to do what is right. You feel like John the Baptist, “a voice of one crying out in the desert.”(Lk 3:4) It can wear you down, so look for support. Jesus said,
Think about the long-term goal and what you really want as the outcome and look for a win/win. Meet with the other person, one-to-one and seek to understand the other person’s perspective and try to solve the problem with them. I knew that my client had a few experiences with the disrespectful manager that came to a positive conclusion, so I coached him to think about how he approached him in those situations, and to do it again.
But, as Jesus said, if that doesn’t work, get support. Ask others to help you in an intervention. All the while, pray about it and pray some more. Our first reading from the Prophet Baruch, reminds us that God’s got your back. “For God has commanded that every lofty mountain be made low, and that the age-old depths and gorges be filled to level ground.” (Bar 5:7) Trust that God will take care of it.
Trust that God’s got your back.The Catechism of the Catholic Church, in addressing the divide within the Church, says: “Christ always gives his Church the gift of unity, but the Church must always pray and work to maintain, reinforce, and perfect the unity that Christ wills for her.” (CCC 820) But we must realize “that this holy objective—the reconciliation of all Christians in the unity of the one and only Church of Christ—transcends human powers and gifts.”That is why we place all our hope “in the prayer of Christ for the Church, in the love of the Father for us, and in the power of the Holy Spirit.” (CCC 822)
We too can place our all our hope in the love of the Father that he will help us address the problems with the guy at work, at school, on our committee, at church, and in our neighborhood. We can’t change the other person, but we can change ourselves if we open ourselves up to the grace of God. As St. Paul wrote, I am confident of this, that the one who began a good work in you will continue to complete it until the day of Christ Jesus. (Phil 1:6) With this confidence, even though we may still have the problem, we know “The LORD has done great things for us; we are filled with joy. (Ps 126:3)
As we go forth this week, let’s remember that “God is leading (us) in joy by the light of his glory.” (Bar 5:9) In everything we do, especially when dealing with those difficult people in our lives, let us make sure that we reflect his glory. If we do, we are certain to share in his joy.
Let us ask the Holy Spirit to help us joyfully address our challenges this week and help us grow in love for others, including those who frustrate, anger, and annoy us the most.
Come Holy Spirit, fill the hearts of your faithful, enkindle in them the fire of your love. Send forth your Spirit and they shall be created, and You shall renew the face of the earth.
May God bless you abundantly and may you glorify the Lord by your life. Amen
Remember to subscribe on iTunes, Stitcher or the right side of this page and help us spread the word by forwarding to a friend, sharing on Facebook, LinkedIn, and Twitter. Just click the icons at the top of this post. Also, check out the Resources page on our website where you can find links to the books and videos mentioned in By Your Life. And let us know what you think by leaving a comment below.
