Feedback is as much of a gift when it is given as when it is received. Yet many organizations suffer from a lack of accountability because people aren’t comfortable giving and receiving feedback. Effective feedback is truth wrapped in mercy.

Mass Readings Audio
http://ccc.usccb.org/cccradio/NABPodcasts/18_09_09.mp3

Twenty-third Sunday in Ordinary Time – September 9, 2018

Welcome to the twenty-fourth episode of By Your Life. Thank you for joining me. If you haven’t already, please subscribe on the right side of the page so I can send you notifications when each new episode is posted. And please forward to a friend you think would benefit from By Your Life.

My goal is to inspire, empower, support, challenge, and encourage you to connect Sunday, with Monday-Friday, in a secular, business world. It is my desire to help you live our Catholic faith in the marketplace, and to trust that it is good for business. I hope to offer you practical ways to go forth and glorify the Lord by your life.

In this edition, we will reflect on the readings for the Twenty-third Sunday in Ordinary Time. In the reading from St. Mark’s Gospel Jesus heals the deaf man who had a speech impediment. It is a memorable Gospel reading because it is one of the few times the original Aramaic word Jesus used is quoted. “Ephphatha!”— that is, “Be opened!” (Mark 7:34) Of course, this Gospel passage is prefigured in the first reading from the Prophet Isaiah, where we are told “then will the eyes of the blind be opened, the ears of the deaf be cleared; then will the lame leap like a stag, then the tongue of the mute will sing.” (Isaiah 35:5-6) Jesus fulfilled this prophecy by healing countless people when He walked the earth, and He miraculously continues to heal us to this day.

I had the privilege of writing an article for TwoTen Magazine about a young man who is a witness to God’s miracles of Turning Tragedy into Triumph.  His name is Shawn Munn and he lost an arm and a leg in a grain auger accident when he was 17 years old. Although his arm and leg were never physically restored, by the grace of God and prosthetic technology, Shawn was able to overcome his physical limitations, achieve personal and business success, and a 12 handicap on the golf course. When we spoke he joked, “The average person thinks it’s difficult to swing a golf club with one arm. I tell them to try doing it with one leg!” (You can see a picture of his one-arm golf swing and read the full article at TwoTenMag.com.)

Most of us aren’t physically blind, deaf, mute, or lame, but from time to time, we suffer from these infirmities nonetheless. We are blind to the neighbor in need, deaf to the coworker crying out for assistance, lame to lending a helping hand, or mute, when we should speak out against an injustice.

Last week, St. James wrote about having the courage to “be doers of the word and not hearers only.” (James 1:22) This can be hard to do, especially at work. Having the courage to speak up is difficult especially when you anticipate a backlash. Even though, “Thus says the LORD…Be strong, fear not!” (Isaiah 35:4), it is hard to muster up the courage when your livelihood is at stake, (or at least you think it could be.)

I taught a class on core values and ethics to a group of up-and-coming leaders. One participant, a field maintenance technician, shared a story about how he was on his way to a job site when he saw another problem in the field, so he called into the office to report it. He thought he was doing the right thing. However, when his supervisor heard about the incident, he said the employee should have stopped and addressed the issue right away instead of just calling it in. The supervisor was encouraging personal accountability for resolving problems when they popped up, instead of just passing them on.

Unfortunately, from then on, this employee said that whenever he saw a problem, he just ignored it. He didn’t call it in nor did he stop to address it. His reasoning was based on how the organization evaluated his productivity. If he stopped to deal with the problem on the way to respond to a maintenance call, he’d be docked for taking too much time to respond to that call.

This guy’s story highlights the challenge of being a lone ranger when the system doesn’t support doing the right thing. In the NY Times Bestselling book Influencer: The New Science of Leading Change, the authors shared a story about a software development company that was on the brink of bankruptcy. It failed to meet product release dates, costs were high, and morale was low. Their new VP of Development knew he needed to motivate and enable employees to speak up early and honestly about problems or they never would be able to address them.

According to the authors, the product development teams played a game they termed “Project Chicken.” Team members would say they were ready with their part of the project when they weren’t in hope that someone else would admit they needed to extend the deadline. The person who has the nerve to admit they need more time is the “chicken” and everyone else is off the hook and gets more time without having to admit they’ve messed up too. The problem with the game of Project Chicken was that major product releases ended in disaster.

To change the chicken culture, the company had to engage the enablers of the problem. The solution was bigger than any one person alone could solve, lest that person be known as the chicken for speaking up first on every project. It was important that everyone bought into the “speak up as soon as you have a problem” approach, otherwise, it would never succeed.

If you lead a team, a department, an organization, or a company, it is your responsibility to create an environment that encourages everyone to do the right thing. I know that sounds so simple, and it is simple, but it’s not easy. Why? Because we must encourage people to hold each other accountable. The problem is, if I hold you accountable, then you might point out my failings to me, and I don’t want to get that feedback, so I’ll just be quiet. And while this sounds like a mutually beneficial option, it’s not. It works for a short while until whatever you are doing wrong continues to frustrate me and bring down others around you. And, it isn’t helping you either.

This was the case with a team I worked with recently. They were all frustrated by a lack of accountability in their organization. “If there is a lack of accountability,” I said, “you all must be failing to hold each other accountable. So, what’s the problem?” As expected, they said it makes them uncomfortable to point out someone else’s flaws and they didn’t know how to do it.

So, I asked them, “How do you want someone else to hold you accountable?” We went around the table and each person said something like, “I want to be told when I do something wrong because if I don’t know about it, I can’t fix it. I want to be told face-to-face or on the phone, and I want specific examples, not generalizations.”

Then, I challenged them. “Now, you’ve just heard that your teammates want to be told when they do something wrong and they told you how you should go about telling them. What would keep you from moving forward to address the lack of accountability?” That’s when the real problem came out. They weren’t as open to receiving feedback as they claimed. The truth was, they were just as uncomfortable receiving feedback as they were giving it. But feedback, like forgiveness, is a gift. It is as much of a gift when you give it as when you receive it. Effective feedback is truth wrapped in mercy.

To give the gift, we need to check our motives lest we “become judges with evil designs”. (James 2:4) Imagine for a moment how Jesus would give feedback. We have several examples we can refer to like the woman at the well, the rich man who asked what he must do to achieve eternal life, the woman caught in adultery, and the scribes and Pharisees. Jesus combined the right combination of truth and mercy. For some, like the hypocrite scribes and Pharisees, he provided more truth. For the shamed woman caught in adultery, he spoke out against the sin with a big dose of mercy.

If your intentions are pure, if your goal is to make the other person aware so that they can improve and as Matthew Kelly says, “Become a better version of themselves,” you’ll apply the right combination of truth and mercy to the feedback.

But we have to do more than a good job of giving feedback. We have to know how to receive it well also. Perhaps, Jesus’s command “Ephphatha!”— “Be opened!” (Mark 7:34) is for us too. That is, be open to the gift of feedback so that we can become a better version of ourselves.

We heard the people say of Jesus that “He has done all things well.” (Mk 7:37) For the rest of us, not so much. We don’t do all things well. That is why we have a fear of failure because we know all too well that we fail. When my clients’ fear of failure prevents them from moving forward on any initiative, I usually coach them to just get over it. They will fail and so will you. Now that we’ve got that out of the way, you can move forward and decide what you are going to do with your failures when they happen. Are you going to learn from them or be stopped by them? Becoming the best-version-of-yourself is a journey that is filled with missteps. But, “when you know you are striving to become the-best-version-of-yourself, that alone is enough to sustain you in happiness.” (from The Rhythm of Life by Matthew Kelly)

Acknowledging failure is a strength. People trust authentic leaders.  As Simon Sinek posted, “Great leaders don’t try to be perfect, they try to be themselves … and that’s what makes them great. Authenticity is about imperfection. It is a very human quality. To be authentic is to be at peace with your imperfections.”

Simon Sinek goes on: “Great leaders are not the strongest; they are the ones who are honest about their weaknesses. Great leaders are not the smartest; they are the ones who admit how much they don’t know. Great leaders can’t do everything; they are the ones who look to others to help them. Great leaders don’t see themselves as great; they see themselves as human.”

Perhaps, great leaders see themselves as God sees them. More importantly, great leaders see others as God does too. Yes, He sees our imperfections, but He is more concerned about our potential.

Let us ask the Holy Spirit to give us the grace to “Be strong, fear not!” (Isaiah 35:4) when we face our failures and help others face theirs too, so that we all can grow to become the persons God created us to be.

Come Holy Spirit, fill the hearts of your faithful and kindle in them the fire of your love. Send forth your Spirit and they shall be created. And You shall renew the face of the earth.

May God bless you abundantly and may you glorify the Lord by your life.  Amen

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